I haven’t written in a while. It’s not because I didn’t want to but I didn’t really want to. It’s been a busy few months and I have been trying to find balance … or at least I thought that’s what I was doing. Turns out, I just haven’t wanted to do much of anything. I blamed it on motivation for a while and then I blamed it on finding balance and then I blamed it on being busy. I had many excuses. The truth is I just didn’t want to write. The irony is, I had so much to say. My brain felt tired.

Now, this is not to say that I haven’t been doing things because I have. I had the opportunity to speak at some WordCamps, I did some traveling, I worked, and spent a lot of time with Frankie. (Do not discount the amount of energy you need to train a puppy!)

Over the summer I went on a pretty difficult overseas trip. The hubs said, “I can’t wait to read this epic blog post.” I remember thinking “me either” when he said it but knowing that it was never going to be written. Over the last few months, there have been so many words that haven’t been written. So many thoughts and ideas that weren’t conveyed. So many stories that I wanted to share. Yet none of this inspired me to write. Was it inspiration I was missing?

I have shared this many times. My favorite quote ever is:

It’s a fickle and unreliable and isn’t worth your time. Better to cultivate discipline than to rely on motivation. Force yourself to do things, to get out of bed, to go the gym, to work harder and smarter; force yourself to do stuff when you don’t feel like doing anything.
Motivation is fleeting, and it’s easy to rely on because it requires no concentrated effort to get. Motivation comes to you, you don’t even have to chase after it. Discipline is reliable; motivation is momentary. The real question isn’t how to keep yourself motivated, it’s how to train yourself to work without it.

If I actually followed my own advice, I would see that it was clearly discipline I was lacking. This was the thought that stayed in mind for the last few weeks. My structure was gone and I was allowing myself to be lazy … and spoiler alert … I was ok with it.

Let’s define the word “Lazy”:
adjective 1. unwilling to work or use energy.
synonyms: idle, indolent, slothful, work-shy, shiftless, inactive, underactive, sluggish, lethargic.

Unwilling to use energy. This was exactly how I felt. I was not unable to use energy, I was unwilling. My whole being needed a break. My brain, my soul, my body, everything felt run down. I just found it easier to slow down than speed up. It felt more satisfying to throw the to do lists away then actually cross things off of them.

Yet through all of this, I was busy. So busy it was overwhelming at times. What the heck was I doing?

Yet here we are almost a year later and I find myself forcing myself to write. There are stories I want to share and this is the only way it is going to happen so bear with me as Jodie gets her groove back.