I’m sitting on the new armchair I purchased looking at a space in front of an empty wall where the new sofa will soon occupy. They delivered the sofa with the chair, but as luck would have it, it was too big. Coming from a home that is 3000 square foot, my sense of space and dimension is a bit warped. Why wouldn’t the regular sized sofa fit?
That is how my vision is too. Everything seems warped. Many people have asked if I’m ok, and I’m not sure how to answer that question. It changes minute by minute. There are moments when I’m dancing around the kitchen feeling unstoppable and others when I’m cowering in a corner sitting in a sea of tears nursing a bottle of wine. That’s normal for a significant life event.
They say the three most stressful things in life are death, divorce, and moving. I’ve dealt with all three in the last 12 months and moving twice.
During a divorce, emotion supersedes all logic. If I were to describe what I’m experiencing, I would say it feels like deathless death. Imagine your partner dying and then coming back to life. Upon resurrection, they only have long term memory; therefore they remember all the good stuff you two shared. Because of the short term memory loss, you must watch from afar as they rebuild their life without you.
The bottom line is, I’m fine. Take that as you would from any woman. “Fine” is what you say when you are handling your shit, but you’re fueled by anger or sadness.
I would be lying if I said that some of the anger wasn’t directed at the ex, but the majority is a result of the work involved in getting a divorce – moving, paperwork, furniture not fitting, deciding who is going to get that mug you bought on your honeymoon. All the ancillary things you don’t realize you need to deal with until it is time.
To all those who went through a divorce before me, I’m sorry I didn’t realize how hard and painful it was. I mean, I knew it was difficult, but I had no idea how difficult. I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive, but I promise from now on, I will make it my responsibility to help those who need it during this time.
One friend, that recently went through a divorce, gave me a gift bag filled with inspiring things like a necklace, a book, etc. She said to make one for the next woman I know going through a divorce because we need to support each other. I vow to do that.
Another friend posted this on facebook this week. This is so real. Just be there in the sadness with your friends when they need you.
One thing I have appreciated more than anything is the love and support of the people around me. From my family, friends, colleagues – everyone has been supportive of both Ccelli and I. People have been reaching out to lend an ear, a hug, or just some of their time. This love and support has sustained me.
My mom, sisters, nieces, and nephews have all made the pilgrimage to Philadelphia to help me break through what I can only refer to as a paralysis. My niece made a new rule that if I looked at something and cried, then it was not going to the new house with me. It was a much needed rule to help with decision fatigue. This week I was staring at the kitchen, not able to enter or unpack a box. I was frozen and needed my family to help me melt and get the freaking kitchen in order.
And Frankie and Arya, well they curl up with me and give me more love than I deserve. They are also going through a huge transition. The good news, we are sharing custody so they still have their mom and dad as much as they need.
It does take a village, and although I’ve been hibernating and dealing with everything this year in silence, It seemed like the appropriate time to share as we are nearing the end and my new beginning.
My house is open to any and all visitors as soon as I get these dang boxes unpacked. I need my village and the villagers who bring wine 🙂
8 responses to “Giftbags and Sofas”
You are such a fine writer. You capture every moment with a skill that makes me envious at times.
Aunt Rita and I want to be part of your village, and we are but unfortunately at a distance right now. As soon as possible we will find that opportunity to visit you and give you that real hug. Especially from Aunt Rita she gives the greatest hugs. Needless to say we think of you all the time and have so many memories of our limited times together. You are a strong woman with a
great depth for love. We love you so much. Just remember you are always in our thoughts and prayers.
Uncle Bill and Aunt Rita
Love you both so much!!! I would love those hugs at any time ????
I love your friend who posted about just allowing yourself to be sad. This is fucking sad. One of the saddest things you can possibly go through. Trying to “cheer up” and “look on the bright side” does not help. Feel the shit out of your feelings and all the cheering up and bright side will come when its ready. Team Levesque loves you and we’re thinking of you! <3
Thank you so much! Love you all and can’t wait to drink some bourbon and catch up ????
Will always love u … no matter what you are an amazing person inside and out and deserve all the love and happiness in the world. We love u forever.
Love you too ????
Well, I’m going to need a gift bag. Kevin and I are one of those couples that survive infidelity. A year later, a thousand therapy appointments. A million tears just to get where I always knew we were going. I’ll be down, I’ll bring insane amounts of wine and I’ll collect my gift bag in preparation to pass one on????♥️????
Oh no Phoebe. I’m so sorry. I have a room, a gift bag, alcohol and a million hugs. I’m here for you!