Izzabeth.com

screwing up and fixing it since '76.

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Perfect for the full moon tonight. I'm packing. I' Perfect for the full moon tonight. I'm packing. I'm feeling nostalgic and I'm feeling a bit sad. Leaving this house is closing a giant chapter for me. This house gave me comfort when I needed it the most. In this house I found myself again.

Here I healed a broken heart, began healing past trauma, got through the world shutting down, fell in love again, recovered after a traumatic pregnancy loss, changed careers, healed another broken heart, rediscovered old friends, lost many friends, and made new friends that I treasure deeply.

But now we move on because we have to and while healing is a constant process, I’m a totally different person than when I moved into this house.

Buying a home by yourself is terrifying. There are so many decisions to make. I questioned myself 1000 times during the process but I know it’s the best thing for me. I scrimped, sacrificed, and saved since my divorce to make this happen. There were a few breakdowns and definitely moments where I didn't think I could do it but it worked out. I'll be moving at the end of the month.

The pups have a yard, the plants have a sunroom, and I have space. In this home I’ll put in energy to make it my own. I know I’ll discover many more new things about myself here. I'll be a short 20 mins outside the city but I'm not going to say where just yet. I want to get settled first. 

A very dear friend once pointed out that I still have a habit of saying ‘we’. Always having a partner in my life, that was a hard habit to break but that all changes now because in the words of Snoop Dogg, “I’d like to thank me.” 😂
A poem about nothing: I shouldn’t be staring at A poem about nothing:

I shouldn’t be staring at the ocean right now. 
I should cooking and planning and loving. 
Instead I’m writing and thinking and healing. 
I’ll never apologize for the amount of feelings I project. 
I’ll never apologize for the weight of my presence.
I’ll never apologize for seeing beyond the performance.
If at the end, those around me feel love then I’ve done enough. 
I wanted to know you. 
I wanted to experience you. 
I wanted to see you.
Instead I am left with questions and guilt and wonder.
Now we dance. 
Now we sing. 
Now we breathe. 
For just a universe away, we are celebrating. 
We are 1.

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful #grief #hope #poetry #poems #ocean #beach
The other day I got a beautiful text message from The other day I got a beautiful text message from somebody that was a very large part of my life many years ago. It was a thank you text. We did a lot for each other and loved each other very much. This was 20 years ago. We’ve come along way in life and I truly believe we helped each other grow.

But even with that support. Even with all of that love. We could never make it work. I don’t have many regrets but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit envious of where he ended up. He became who I always knew he could. He actually became even better.

The entire exchange had me thinking. It’s not the first time I got a text like that. I’ve had many people ‘love’ me , leave, and then thank me later. How strange is it to be the girl that everyone loves but the one that nobody ultimately chooses? 

I don’t say that for pity. I say that because there are so many people like me … people that latch on to potential. 

It’s easier than latching on to your own dreams. I’ve sabotaged many relationships in an effort to hide my needs and my wants. 

Also let’s face it, living an authentic life is often lonely.

What our your dreams and wants? Tell me because I really want to hear!

Today is a beautiful new moon filled with possibilities. Speak your dreams out loud today. Believe in magic. 

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful
Such a fun night at the Chinese Lantern Festival!! Such a fun night at the Chinese Lantern Festival!!! Drinks were drank. Fun was had. Bricks will be bought. 

#philly #pointbreezebookclub #swiperight
Have you ever been out with someone and suddenly f Have you ever been out with someone and suddenly felt ‘the ick’? 

You know ‘the ick’. 

The feeling that tells you something isn’t horrible but its just a gentle nudge of uncomfortableness. 

Maybe it’s the way they sip their wine or the way they eat a burrito or perhaps it’s the way they walk or the way they dominate a conversation. 

Now I don’t believe you should judge a person based solely on those things. I’m simply suggesting that this is the universe‘s way of giving you a gentle nudge … should you choose to listen.

Imagine if the universe threw all the red flags to you at once! You probably wouldn’t listen and may even fall deeper. 

The ick is a helpful guide. Use it as part of your decision making process.

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful
Charlie is doing better every day. I ❤️ him. Charlie is doing better every day. I ❤️ him. 

For those that don’t know the story, Charlie was a rescue betta. I had no idea what I was doing with a betta so I had to learn quick. The water is finally testing perfect and the temperature is exactly what it needs to be. He ate this morning and he has been exploring the tank more and more every day! 

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful #betta #aquarium #fish
What a fun night at drag bingo with @brittanylynns What a fun night at drag bingo with @brittanylynnsig and crew! 

I’m not sure if I will ever find another neighborhood like Point Breeze because it’s filled with amazing people like these two! @lifeinjenneral @vickireesjones 

#philly #bingo #drag #pointbreeze #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful
The world is still going to shit but I’m still f The world is still going to shit but I’m still feeling very grateful today for the little things … like these pups always wanting to hang with me in my office and poetry. It really warms my heart. What are you grateful for today?

‘Visiting Pai-an Pavilion’

Beside this dike, I shake off the world's dust, 
enjoying walks alone near my brushwood house. 

A small stream gurgles down a rocky gorge. 
Mountains rise beyond the trees, 

kingfisher blue, almost beyond description, 
but reminding me of the fisherman's simple life. 

From a grassy bank, I listen 
as springtime fills my heart. 

Finches call and answer in the oaks. 
Deer cry out, then return to munching weeds. 

I remember men who knew a hundred sorrows, 
and the gratitude they felt for gifts. 

Joy and sorrow pass, each by each, 
failure at one moment, happy success the next. 

But not for me. I have chosen freedom 
from the world's cares. I chose simplicity.

By: Hsieh Ling-yun

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing #believe #grateful
Life is so weird. For the first time in years my p Life is so weird. For the first time in years my personal life is great. I’ve honestly never been happier. 

Then Friday happens and I was fine until I wasn’t. I got hit with a wave of emotions. I was triggered. I ran around the house cleaning, baking, and cooking. I think I just didn’t know what else to do. I made so much food 🤦🏻‍♀️.

I talked to friends, which I really needed. I cried. I got hit with a massive wave of grief. 

And then I got mad …

So mad ... at people making decisions for me. Mad at men. Mad at the world.

I woke up the next day and realized that I had to live life. The life, that in the first time in years, I love.

How do you reconcile being happy with your existence and hating the world around you? 

I heard a “spiritual” person online say to ignore all the noise because it’s just a “movie”. She followed that up with a quote from Hunger Games. Now while I believe that we create our reality, I also believe I was put here to use all my lives helping others. There is privilege in being able to ignore whats happening. 

So I’m going to figure out how to be mad and also grateful. How to be sad and happy. How to grieve and move forward. Hugs to all of you!

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful
Happy Solstice! Happy Litha! Blessed Midsummer! Ha Happy Solstice! Happy Litha! Blessed Midsummer! Happy longest day of the year … 

Whatever you call it, just know that today is magical! Today should be filled with fire, delicious fresh food, nature, and flowers!

I’ve been feeling so fortunate lately. I may have lost a lot over the years but the people and things that stayed around mean the most to me.

Thank you to my wonderful circle of people. I adore you. I hope you make magic today! ☀️💕☀️💐☀️

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing #believe #grateful #summersoltice #midsummer #litha
‘Appreciation’ Earth was not Earth before her ‘Appreciation’

Earth was not Earth before her sons appeared, 
Nor Beauty Beauty ere young Love was born: 
And thou when I lay hidden wast as morn 
At city-windows, touching eyelids bleared; 
To none by her fresh wingedness endeared; 
Unwelcome unto revellers outworn. 
I the last echoes of Diana's horn 
In woodland heard, and saw thee come, and cheered. 
No longer wast thou then mere light, fair soul! 
And more than simple duty moved thy feet. 
New colours rose in thee, from fear, from shame, 
From hope, effused: though not less pure a scroll 
May men read on the heart I taught to beat: 
That change in thee, if not thyself, I claim.

By: George Meredith

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful
See that pillow behind the pups? It was a gift fro See that pillow behind the pups? It was a gift from @lisaalexis88. We had went to Disney together and every time I saw it, I wanted to buy it but never did. Then she surprised me with it one day. It's one of my favorite things. I didn't know it at the time but during that vacation, things in my life were starting to fall apart. This pillow, however, reminds me that the best people are still in my life.

It's ironic because when I was a kid, my dad took us on a huge memorable family vacation to Disney right before my parents got divorced. I don't know what it is about the happiest place on earth and divorce but I've seen a correlation.

My dad used to say that when relationships are in trouble, couples buy a house or have a kid. Twice in my life, I did the former. Both times it was in an effort to fix the unfixable ... and both times I paid dearly for that decision.

I'm still paying (figuratively and literally) for many decisions in my life but that is the price paid for a life lived.

I've been working on fixing all that for myself. I have a plan. I'm going to have my witchy botanical lair soon if it kills me. I want a nest for me and the pups to feel at home. This time I'm not doing it to fix anything. 

This time I'm doing it to plant roots for myself. This time the energy spent will be for me. This time I will embrace the relationship with myself and feel the ease that comes with that. This time I will make decision for my greater good. When that time comes, I will put this pillow where it was meant to be ... in my home.

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful
I have the most talented friends! Just got my co I have the most talented friends! 

Just got my copy of ‘One Way to the Podium’, A Photo Book by @otterlarouche. 

He’s not only one of the nicest humans on the planet but truly one of the most talented. So happy to have this in my collection!

#motorcycle #art #fineart #photography #inspiration #photobook #love #life #pictures #bike #philly #motorbike #race #inspire #create
This picture was from a recent meditation session. This picture was from a recent meditation session. The light was speaking to me. I have all air signs in my big three but I've always connected with fire.

I was telling a story recently about how the safest I’ve ever felt in my life was when my Grandfather Lundy was alive. I’m not sure anyone could give me that feeling of security every again. There was this kid that would follow me home from school and leave mixtapes on my porch. One night I found him staring in our living room window. My Grandfather quickly figured out what was happening. One day when I got home from school, he told me to go inside. The kid was not far behind me and he never bothered me again after that day. I have no idea what happened or what my Grandpop said. I don’t care because with Grandpop around, I was always going to be ok.

I want that feeling again. That feeling of being able to lean in to someone and the knowing that they will catch you. My biggest problem with romantic relationships has always been trust. I completely trust the person on the surface but internally question every single thing that happens. My mind can make up the best stories, warranted or not. 

This internal struggle builds up and leads to pure resentment which in turn leads a person questioning their own self worth .

I’ve learned something very important about myself. I require more reassurance than normal from a partner at this stage of my life. I may not need that forever but as I continue to heal it’s important to me. 

And when I say reassurance I’m not talking about reassurance that they love me. I’m talking about reassurance that says they understand I’m on a journey to heal. The occasional, “Hey I’m thinking about you” goes a long way. 

With great change comes reflection and that's what I’ve been doing. I put the blog back up as I may write more about this next phase in my life. Also it was really interesting to read what was in my head during the time when I had just lost so much. To be honest, there is so much I didn’t write about during that time so there is a lot more material!

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful
Tomorrow is my birthday and also time for some new Tomorrow is my birthday and also time for some new adventures.

For nearly 6 years, I’ve had the pleasure of working with some of the best people in the tech space at WebDevStudios. Lisa and Brad specifically have been incredible mentors and leaders. I’ve learned so much and will be forever grateful for the opportunity to work here but tomorrow is my last day. 

So what’s next? I’m so honored and excited to share that I will be joining WordPress VIP as a Partner Manager officially on June 13th. I can’t wait to tackle all the new responsibilities that come with this role and to be part of this incredible team.

So tomorrow is going to be hard. Then I'm falling off the earth for the rest of the week to regroup 🙂

#birthday #grow #tech #wordpress #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness  #believe #grateful
Happy Gemini New Moon! This new moon falls in my s Happy Gemini New Moon! This new moon falls in my sun sign. I set so many intentions while channeling the ocean yesterday.

With my birthday coming up soon, the theme for me will be new adventures. I have been in a rut and feeling stuck. Repeating the same patterns over and over and wondering why things aren’t changing.

One of my favorite books is ‘Jitterbug Perfume’ by Tim Robbins. I was introduced to this book by one of my oldest and dearest friends on a trip to Portland one year. Ever since then I’ve incessantly talked about it. My absolute favorite quote from that book is:

‘The unhappy person resents it when you try to cheer him up, because that means he has to stop dwelling on himself and start paying attention to the universe. Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence. When you're unhappy, you get to pay a lot of attention to yourself. You get to take yourself oh so very seriously.’

Time for cheering up. For new adventures. To not taking myself too seriously. To new moons!

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing #believe #grateful #summer #beach #waves #newmoon #gemini
I took this picture of Frankie and noticed the bea I took this picture of Frankie and noticed the beautiful colors on the ceiling. 

I’d like to think that it’s a sign from someone or some thing bringing love and hope upon this household.

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful #jackrussell #frankieandarya
He is a perfect angel. My Frankie. #SirFrankie #r He is a perfect angel. My Frankie.

#SirFrankie #rescuedogs #jackrussellterrier #phillydog #jugdog #selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful
The last week has been exhausting. Most of you kno The last week has been exhausting. Most of you know but Arya has been really sick. We are still waiting on test results and have a few more vet visits coming up but she is doing so much better. So I've had a lot of time to think and reflect this week. First, I'm making my profile public again but I have deleted and blocked so many people. But it's time because I've been working on some creative things that I can't wait to share with everyone ... and I need to let go of some old fears.

Eclipse season is upon us which means it's time to dig into the shadows and I have been doing just that. In fact, I had a bit of a revelation this morning. 

Have you ever thought about traumatic situations and played them out in your head? For example, thinking about your death and who would come to your funeral and what would they say. I know this sounds grim but stay with me.

It's amazing how we conjure up feelings of sympathy and attention in our brains. It's usually associated with something bad happening to us. Why is this? I think it's because it's easier to receive attention and sympathy when something bad happens because there is an actual event that occurred and warrants it. The trauma loop is real and it can easily become a comfortable place.

However, when we are just existing as ourselves, what have we done that would result in someone being caring, hugging us, and giving us the affection we need?

These are the lies we tell ourselves. So if you feel like you need a hug or need someone to tell you it's going to be ok ... Please know you deserve that just for being you and nothing terrible has to happen in order for you to receive that attention. In fact, I'm sending you all hugs right now and I'm here if you need me. 

#selflove #love #life #happiness #inspiration #mindfullness #healing  #believe #grateful #grief
I think it’s important to indulge in affordable I think it’s important to indulge in affordable luxuries. It’s been a rough couple of weeks so I wanted to treat myself.

I started wearing Chanel No. 5 in high school and became quickly obsessed with the brand. 

If I had a signature, it would be a red lip. So getting the perfect red shade from Chanel feels very right.

Also life hack, always take the gift card option and write it to yourself!

I have strong torn feelings about the house of Chanel today but I’ll save that for another day.
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Izzabeth.com

screwing up and fixing it since '76.